finding my rhythm

school started and instantly a prevalent school schedule touched down like a tornado. my little one going off to school for another year and it is not what i envisioned with homeschooling in my heart, but it is our reality. in addition to a new school schedule, there were a lot of changes happening in our home. the little guy had just started sleeping through the night, i had survived months of sleep deprivation and i was in a better place to handle the daily ups and downs of poor feeding and to get our family back on track. it did take my body a while to adjust to being able to sleep but once i did get a good night's sleep, the world came alive to me, which is a beautiful thing. but seeing the world with eyes wide open, i saw a huge mountain of things to do around the house. there was so much to catch up on and i was completely overwhelmed thinking about all i had to do.

while, i still am trying to understand and accept the last 17 1/2 months, i know that i was doing the best that i could, but my mind, body and spirit were in crisis mode. i wish to be as far away from that way of living. it is more than wishing, it is having the awareness of what i could do for myself to keep myself calm and centered and slow paced. it really brings the importance of what truly matters in life, the health and happiness of my family. 

and while there was a lot to do around the house and getting everything ready for my daughter to start school, i am only one person. run around with my head chopped off would not have helped anyone out. it was a challenge to keep myself calm, centered and slow paced during this time and i continue to work on this daily. i work on being present. to be in nature, to find my breathe, to be in the moment, to enjoy sweet moments with my children, to nurture my patience and work on my rhythm. i get back to making time to be creative. and caring for myself. and when my head is spinning, i get outside or color mandalas. 

i try to keep my enormous to-do list out of my thoughts. i keep a small to-do list, mostly for memory but i find being able to cross items off my list very rewarding. the list is continuous and i prioritize as new items are added. i also committed to spending 15 minutes decluttering (from the flylady) i work on planning our meals and try out a few new recipes a week to take into account my little one's dietary needs. a very important step is my night time routine, which makes my mornings run smoothly.

of course, some days are smoother than others and i am still working on all this. 
during all this, i did end up having a tag sale against my better judgment and it proved to be too much. i became stressed and ended up getting sick. once again, it presented an opportunity to learn a lesson. life, it's funny that way.
and while, i have made great changes, i still have not found peace with everything, but i'll know when it is here. this nursery rhythm has been on my mind

row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily, merrily, merrily
life is but a dream

i have been working on this post for a while. still not having the exactly right words that i want. maybe still not being in the place i would like. but, either way, i good way to end.

navratri celebration

 :: we celebrate the beginning of autumn with new friends. seeking blessings for new endeavors and enjoying traditional music and dance.

(notice my little one wearing a playsilk. always a reason for a playsilk :) )

open eye meditation

a recent webcast over at the waldorf connection on 3 ways to create a nourishing home for your child offers some thoughts. danielle epifanie started off discussing the importance of "creating a space of breath around the child" and to be aware of the "what is presenting itself in front of us". heaven on earth author, sharifa oppenheimer, discussed that "rhythm is life". the inner rhythm of the parent is important (i could not agree more) steady. calm. nourishing. (sleep.) start with an open eye meditation. turn your attention to your heart. breathe and let the breath move in and out of your heart. let it swing in and out of your heart (love that) bring gratitude in. the importance of sitting in nature. lastly, lisa boisvert mackenzie talked about play and the child's world being one of awe and wonder. say, "humm, i wonder" to a child's questions and importance of the child being free to play.
check out the webcast here
websites mentioned:

margaretsgarden.org and elementalmother.com

our heaven on earth
celebrate the rhythm of life 
waldorf in the home

just as i remembered

we had great news last week. our little guy jumped up to the 10th percentile. i usually am right next to the nurse as she marks his measurements on the growth chart but this time i was was just playing around with him, although i did glanced over and saw that his numbers increased from his last check-up. i was not my old anxious self of needing to see exactly where he was on the charts. when our doctor came in and told us, i was shocked. warmth and comfort came over me and i became surrounded by huge arms that filled the small room. i felt secure and protected and i immediately knew it was my grandfather, who i know is still here with us.

my grandfather was not one of many words, although his presence was greatly felt. he has come to me a few times other times to let me know that things will be alright. once, after a medical procedure and two times the day i broke my collar bone when i was 6 months pregnant. my grandfather came to me when i just realized that i broke my collar bone and then in the emergency room when my concern for the baby escalated. comfort and warmth for a short while in-between the intense pain i was feeling.

my grandfather was the first man in my life and he was a constant figure in my life. we spent a lot of time together, he and i. if i slept over on the weekend, we would have an early breakfast together (my grandmother always slept in) it was always an omelet and he made the best omelets, i still can taste them but have yet to duplicate them. in the spring, we planted his garden together i remember so vividly the feeling of poking my finger down into the cool earth and how vested i was in the entire growing season. in the summer, i always arrived to a bowl of fresh ripe raspberries and a refreshing pitcher of ice tea with mint from the garden. in the winter, we gathered around the wood burning fireplace and we put in the sparkling colors. those colors were beautiful amidst the flames. and my grandfather always had a big cozy chair. there was always room in his chair for me and that comforting feeling is just as i remembered.

last bits of the summer sun

 

i love this time of year. autumn is beginning to make it's arrival. little bursts of autumn color can be seen amongst the lush greenery of the trees. a light sweater is required for our evening walk and cool, dewy mornings. but, by midday, the summer sun is so prevalent. we explored a nature center and seized the opportunity for the children to swim in their pools.

on the top of my to-do list is to brush up on my picture taking skills. i continue to try and capture vince's little hands and toes playing with the rainbows around our house. if he would just sit still it would be so much easier. i am always a second too late in capturing the pic. i also never imagined how difficult it would be to capture a picture of both children together. i have my work cut out for me. i also have to search out some camera options. any suggestions?

do you know how to fly?

do you know how to fly? well, i am trying to fly. but not up in the air, silly. i am trying to fly in my home. that's right. flying inside via help from the flylady.

i have searched around her website (she also has books) and i think i have the jist of what she is trying to say. basically, consistently do her suggested routines so that they become second nature to you. you will always be a step ahead in your cleaning, and you'll be dressed and ready for company at any time. you'll have a clean sink and bathroom all the time.

i signed up for the daily emailing list, which is rather lengthy, but i am just working on the daily flight plan and mission (it follows the daily flight plan)  i am focusing on my bedtime routine, morning routine and decluttering in small increments. there is a weekly home blessing, where she wants you to set the clock and do all the sweeping, moping, dusting, etc in 1 hour. it takes me far longer to do this, but i think i will be getting more efficient as a practice this more? we'll see because i am not sure if this is possible and i do have a smaller house.

she has a monthly focus and this month is the before bed routine and beginner steps on her website.

anyone else try flying yet?

mandalas and the first days of school

school was about to begin and homeschooling still was not in the cards for me this year so i chose the next best thing. we transitioned my daughter to a new school. it was a big decision to make. in making the decision, i sought support and i was able to make a decision from a calm and peaceful place. of course, some family was supportive and some family can not think of possibilities outside of what they know. in the past, i was one who let myself be overcome with stress in making such a big decision. this is such a huge progression for me. thank goodness i am getting more sleep.

coming up to the first day, i have been waking up earlier each day in preparation for the start of school. i wake up before the children and i am greeted by a rising sun that casts a warm glowing light throughout our downstairs. i am able to get a coffee, start breakfast and start the day slow. these are my first days of waking before the children and i remember how great it is to start the day this way and it is definitely a time that one can have a little mama time :) wink wink  

my mind was busy and i could have found a hundred things to do on that first day, but i didn't. i was conscious to keep a slow pace. i spent time with the little guy, we started the dance between inhaling and exhaling, bring more rhythm to our day. while the little one napped, i enjoyed some tea, read a little and worked on some mandalas. the house was noisy, mostly answering the little one's calls to his "sissy" but yet the house felt quiet. i am missing my little girl terribly.

here's a link to the mandalas above
more mandalas here