Friday, October 22, 2010

finding my rhythm

school started and instantly a prevalent school schedule touched down like a tornado. my little one going off to school for another year and it is not what i envisioned with homeschooling in my heart, but it is our reality. in addition to a new school schedule, there were a lot of changes happening in our home. the little guy had just started sleeping through the night, i had survived months of sleep deprivation and i was in a better place to handle the daily ups and downs of poor feeding and to get our family back on track. it did take my body a while to adjust to being able to sleep but once i did get a good night's sleep, the world came alive to me, which is a beautiful thing. but seeing the world with eyes wide open, i saw a huge mountain of things to do around the house. there was so much to catch up on and i was completely overwhelmed thinking about all i had to do.

while, i still am trying to understand and accept the last 17 1/2 months, i know that i was doing the best that i could, but my mind, body and spirit were in crisis mode. i wish to be as far away from that way of living. it is more than wishing, it is having the awareness of what i could do for myself to keep myself calm and centered and slow paced. it really brings the importance of what truly matters in life, the health and happiness of my family. 

and while there was a lot to do around the house and getting everything ready for my daughter to start school, i am only one person. run around with my head chopped off would not have helped anyone out. it was a challenge to keep myself calm, centered and slow paced during this time and i continue to work on this daily. i work on being present. to be in nature, to find my breathe, to be in the moment, to enjoy sweet moments with my children, to nurture my patience and work on my rhythm. i get back to making time to be creative. and caring for myself. and when my head is spinning, i get outside or color mandalas. 

i try to keep my enormous to-do list out of my thoughts. i keep a small to-do list, mostly for memory but i find being able to cross items off my list very rewarding. the list is continuous and i prioritize as new items are added. i also committed to spending 15 minutes decluttering (from the flylady) i work on planning our meals and try out a few new recipes a week to take into account my little one's dietary needs. a very important step is my night time routine, which makes my mornings run smoothly.

of course, some days are smoother than others and i am still working on all this. 
during all this, i did end up having a tag sale against my better judgment and it proved to be too much. i became stressed and ended up getting sick. once again, it presented an opportunity to learn a lesson. life, it's funny that way.
and while, i have made great changes, i still have not found peace with everything, but i'll know when it is here. this nursery rhythm has been on my mind

row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily, merrily, merrily
life is but a dream

i have been working on this post for a while. still not having the exactly right words that i want. maybe still not being in the place i would like. but, either way, i good way to end.

3 comments:

Redbeet Mama said...

Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post. Honesty is healthy - and an honest post like this is catching. Life is overwhelming. I am sorry for your struggles, they made my struggles much more bearable.

Tonight I will light a candle in your honor - you are a wonderful and thoughtful Mama.

Take care of yourself.
Namaste, Nicole

cheyenne said...

this post hits me hard. i can completely relate to what you're feeling. thanks for being honest.

Rachel~ At the Butterfly Ball said...

Good for you for making a choice to slow down and find your rhythm and to take time to enjoy your little ones! I just posted about pretty much the same thing a couple of days ago. Sometimes that is a hard lesson for us as mamas to learn!

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