mandalas and the first days of school

school was about to begin and homeschooling still was not in the cards for me this year so i chose the next best thing. we transitioned my daughter to a new school. it was a big decision to make. in making the decision, i sought support and i was able to make a decision from a calm and peaceful place. of course, some family was supportive and some family can not think of possibilities outside of what they know. in the past, i was one who let myself be overcome with stress in making such a big decision. this is such a huge progression for me. thank goodness i am getting more sleep.

coming up to the first day, i have been waking up earlier each day in preparation for the start of school. i wake up before the children and i am greeted by a rising sun that casts a warm glowing light throughout our downstairs. i am able to get a coffee, start breakfast and start the day slow. these are my first days of waking before the children and i remember how great it is to start the day this way and it is definitely a time that one can have a little mama time :) wink wink  

my mind was busy and i could have found a hundred things to do on that first day, but i didn't. i was conscious to keep a slow pace. i spent time with the little guy, we started the dance between inhaling and exhaling, bring more rhythm to our day. while the little one napped, i enjoyed some tea, read a little and worked on some mandalas. the house was noisy, mostly answering the little one's calls to his "sissy" but yet the house felt quiet. i am missing my little girl terribly.

here's a link to the mandalas above
more mandalas here

drum roll please

after 17 1/2 months, my son is sleeping through the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it has been 10 nights or so, i actually lost count. my son's diet has expanded to include coconut milk yogurt, coconut milk ice cream and peanut butter and he has an upcoming checkup. my body has just begun adjusting to being able to sleep and the world is unfolding more and more each day. i feel alive, but i feel like i have so much to process, so many thoughts, so many feelings that i suppressed or not thought about logically because of my sleepless situation. i feel that i have so much to catch up on, so many things i would like to do, so many books i would like to read, so many things i would like to make.


but i tell myself to take it slow, allowing myself a new start by choosing healthy choices for my mind, body and spirit. allowing peace and calm to be part of my life. i am get back to a regular sleep pattern. i work on a slow and peaceful bedtime routine, filled with hot showers, steeping tea, a book (still reading simplicity parenting) i ground myself in the now and work at establishing new rhythms to my day (and my daughter is off to full day first grade, more on that later). i am trying out new recipes my little guy and my new found joy is sweeping. i used to pull out the vacuum out due to our 2 dogs and 2 children and our inside/outside routine. it was taking so much energy to lug the vacuum around and i was just so exhausted afterward. and the sweeping is light, playful, and very rewarding in many ways. i am also trying to commit to an opportunity to take some time for myself once a week. and i know i am worthy of the time, worthy of nurturing myself, i just have to put it into action. and i write it down as a little step closer towards my commitment to self-care. how do you find time to nurture yourself throughout the day?

wip - skirt for a mermaid doll

:: this was an impromptu project my little one thought of, an hour before she was off to a sleepover with her grandparents. she has been engaged in play with her mermaid after our seasonal nature table changed to incorporated treasures from the sea shore. after fiddling around with her tail, she discovered the doll has legs underneath and her play has taken a new journey, full of adventure and new lands to explore.

:: my daughter drew a sketch and instructions were given in detail. the little guy was napping, we had the supplies and i could not honestly give my daughter a reason not to make a skirt for her mermaid. 

:: an hour or so went by, my little one had already left for her grandparents' house, and i was cutting out the finishing touches on the double-tiered wave pattern. and this little project taught me a valuable lesson that i needed to relearn. to take a chance. 


for years, i have wanted to make my little one a doll. and one day make clothing for my children and knit them sweaters to keep them warm. and to one day make a quilt like my grandmother used to make. i have long searched the internet for doll making kits, supplies and books, only to find a reason not to proceed forward with making a doll. afraid of failing or even worse, making a mistake and picking out the wrong yarn for hair (that darn perfectionism coming into play) and i have searched flickr for quilt patterns and inspiration, only to feel like the task was too big to take on. and i guess at times, we can put up road blocks or little speed bumps in our own path. but life, of course, is about learning to overcoming them.

:: and my first attempt at the mermaid's skirt did not work. i learned from it, adjusted the pattern and made another one. and here's the beginning of taking more chances.

a new plan

our new journey is re-establishing our family rhythm and learning to nurture oneself. part of our plan is being helped through new services my son is receiving. the wonderful part of the program is that the occupational therapist comes out to your home, observes and offers suggestions. there was high hopes that after we determined his intolerance to milk protein and eliminated milk protein from his diet that he would start eating in a healthy manner and his poor feeding would discontinue. everyone also hoped that my son would outgrown his milk protein intolerance after his first birthday. so we have kind of been in limbo, until recently.

after introducing milk to my son's diet, very slowly, for the past six weeks, we determined that he can not tolerate milk protein. he also has tracked consistently at the 5% for weight on the growth chart, so we still are working with his poor feeding.

our new plan includes:

1. helping establish a healthy eating and sleeping pattern for my little guy. we have adjusted his eating routine where he will eat 5 times a day, instead of every hour and a half. (he needed meals every hour and a half back before. he was so small and constantly active. he now will take some time to sit and read a book and he also takes some time to cuddle so we felt we were able to work with changing his eating routine) now that we are establishing a consistent eating routine, with meals spaced out more so he could experience a feeling of hunger and the ability to feel fulfilled with food, it has already greatly helped his napping routine. he now sharing a bedroom with his sister, which brings us to

2. getting mama a healthy block of sleep. transiting my son out of our bed and into his crib was a very hard decision. i had too many people that love the both of us urging me to do this and ultimately i decided that this was the best decision for our family. i slept on the floor many nights and watched the sun rise, but this is getting better

3. cooking without milk protein and eggs. (eggs is something that we will try in his diet in the future. my daughter was allergic to egg until she outgrew it at 3 years of age, so this is why he has been egg free)

starting on a new journey

with some help with the little guy there is a new feeling in the air and i am riding a new wave of hope. my life has revolved around my son's feeding schedule, it has been rigorous with feedings every hour and a half and it feels like i am still caring for a newborn baby. we are very fortunate to have some help that started coming into our home and offering suggestions to fit my son's needs, while finding balance with our family's needs.

help is coming just as i am unraveling. i have tried so hard to keep up with it all, but it has taken a toll on my family and on my health. my words would be better, if i said, that i let this take it's toll on me. you see, i am still learning how to truly care for myself and nurture myself. i really learned to take care of myself when i became a mother. and through learning about rhythm and waldorf, i learned to nurture myself and my family. through our baking days, gardening days, painting days, soup making day, and nature walks i begun to heal that part of myself that needed to be healed.

but on the days that i have had too much on my plate and did not sleep enough, are the days that i resort back to not taking care of myself. it has been off and on like this for the last 15 month, which has caught up with me and i can not deny it any more. there has been an intervention and i am so grateful to start on a new path. my work will be to establish a good, healthy rhythm for myself and my family. so this is my new journey.